What is my capacity?  What exactly is the potential that God has called me to?  It’s a  constant tension in me.  On the one hand, I won’t want to be stagnant or complacent, just drifting through life thinking “I’ve made it”.  On the other hand, I won’t want to keep getting to “the next level” and constantly striving to meet new (maybe made up?) challenges just to feel like I’m growing.  I’ve seen those people who keep trying to push to the next level, and yet they haven’t yet “mastered” responsibilities already entrusted to them.  For example, in my profession, it seems there are some pastors who keep pushing to make their ministries more effective, and yet don’t put the same energy in helping their families grow well.  So sometimes I feel I need to make sure all areas of my life are growing well together rather than having 1 area “outgrow” another.  At the same time, I wonder if I’m turning away from challenges that God has put in front of me because I’ve grown complacent in things.

I wonder sometimes what exactly is my capacity.  I see sometimes people have a false assumption that “if you can do it, so can I”.  Lately, in sports radio, commentators talk about what an athlete’s “ceiling” is i.e. their potential.  Some players have a higher ceiling than other prospects.  Scripture alludes to this as well in Jesus’ parable about the talents (how one is given 10, one given 5 and one given 1), and the master’s view on whether the servants were successful wasn’t in terms of actual growth vs. what they did with what was given.  So I’m asking myself, what exactly is my capacity?  I don’t want to assume (and in many ways don’t want) that I can be or do what everyone else can be or do.  In some ways, I look at where God has called me to and am content with where I am, not having the ambition to “strive for more”.  I feel sometimes that I may be close to my ceiling and much of my growth is a refining of what God has already entrusted to me.  I don’t want to assume that my capacity is higher than it really is.  Yet my other side asks whether I’m just being lazy, that perhaps God is wanting me to have “higher ambitions” and whether I’m just not utilizing my full capacity.

We all have a ceiling.  Sometimes, our ceiling may be lower than we think it is and really, our strivings are just part of our over-inflated egos.  Yet maybe our ceiling is higher and we’re just too lazy to go for it.  God, help us to discern when we need to push beyond what we think we can do and when we need to be content with all that you have already entrusted us with.

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