There is a tug of war within me between the father/husband in me and the worker in me. In the grand scheme, I understand that my role as a husband and father is one of the most vital (second to my identity as a child of God). I’ve even taught on that premise, knowing that all my other roles can be replaced by someone else, but my role as my children’s father is solely mine. Even when I die, there may be step fathers, guardians or other significant male role models, but no one else could ever be their father.

Yet even though I know this, sometimes my other roles, more specifically in my vocation, seems to take precedence. I spend significant amounts of time on my work, sometimes seemingly (and very likely objectively) more time than I do with my family.  Yet what is it within me that drives me to work, sometimes even at the sacrifice of my family?

I think one key perception that my work has a much broader and visible implication than my influence on my family.  ie People are more likely to notice my influence (positive or negative) based from my work into spaces like retreats.  If I fail on my work, it is noticed much more visibly and in a shorter time than if I fail as a father.  However, it may be that the effects of my failure as a father may have deeper, more subtle and longer-lasting consequences that I can imagine. But the short-time sometimes blind my judgement and leads me to conclusions that, in the end, may not be God-honouring or the best in the big picture.

May I keep the big picture in mind, knowing who God has called me to be, and to stay true to that.

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